sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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