He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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