Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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