Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
