He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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