u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
