sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
