What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
