Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
