I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
too bad you live with your parents still
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
