Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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