She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up backwards on a recliner
True strength comes from lack of pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
