I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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