You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
