All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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