HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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