I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
