In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
