I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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