Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
