So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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