Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
