i just had sex bonerless
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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