Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
