wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
