remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
