I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
