ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
