she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
