you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
