he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
