ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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