I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
