After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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