Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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