grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
