he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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