How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
soo... how was my night?
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