You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
