He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
