I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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