batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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