I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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