u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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