3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
