i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
