Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
