We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
