The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
