is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
