now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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